Misadventures in Geriatrics
by mcwheatley
Summary: The title should say it all. Set in our time. All of our beloved knights are present and currently in the same nursing home. In the same wing. Hopefully, fun will be had by all.
1. Chapter 1

Misadventures in Geriatrics

**Disclaimer: I don't own anyone involved with King Arthur or any of the legends or myths. I don't own any of the characters. Only the ones from my own warped mind. I am merely playing with our heros for a while and will put them back, if only slightly used. I am writing this for my own amusement and that of others. I am making no money. So please don't sue me.**

**A/N: This is so highly AU that it isn't even funny. And before any of you say "Wait! You can't do that." Oh yes I can. Besides, I was encouraged to write this. And I intend to have a good bit of fun along the way.**

**And for any of you HIPPA fiends out there, these are purely fictional events. I am in no way divulging personal information about anybody. They may be based on my past experiences, but no real names have been mentioned.**

* * *

**Chapter 1: Meeting Kahlen**

Sarah James pressed the doorbell to the Columbia County Nursing Home. CCNH for short. It was the county's state run facility and one of the few that boasted deficiency free surveys. This main building didn't hold that many resident, only 102, but it was a big sprawling place.

This, being her 4th year of Geriatric Studies, Sarah had jumped at the chance to spend the time here. It would give her a chance to get research for her thesis. She had dreamed for years of being a social worker for the elderly. She had seen and spoken to so many men and women, families, physicians and nurses, but she had never actually had a chance to be up front and personal with the every day care of these residents.

It both excited and scared her.

She pressed the bell again, as she hadn't gotten an answer the first time. Checking her watch, she realized that she was early. By about fifteen minutes. She wasn't supposed to be here until 5am. Sitting down on the nearby bench, she pulled out the file folder she had been given a week before. She could spend the next few minutes reviewing the file on the Geriatric Nursing Assistant and her charges she would be following for the next 24 hours.

She was supposed to meet a woman by the name of Kahlen Tuch. She had been working as a GNA/CMA for fifteen years, nine of them in this facility alone. Kahlen had been referred to Sarah because of her experience.

She would be spending the next 24 hours directly with this woman.

Sarah had her nose buried in the folder when the door opened, causing her to startle and nearly drop the file full of papers.

"I'm sorry to scare you."

Sarah stood up, tucking the file into her messenger bag. "That's okay. I realized I was early so I decided to do some reading." She held out her hand to the older woman. "I'm Sarah."

The woman stretched out her hand, taking Sarah's in hers. "Well, Sarah, I'm Jolene. The nurse in charge. Can I help you with something?"

"I'm here to see Kahlen Tuch."

Jolene nodded. "That's right. It's today." She held the glass door open, standing aside. "Come on in and we'll get you situated."

The moment Sarah stepped into the home, the first thing she noticed was the smell. It wasn't a horrid smell, not disgusting or anything. But it was different. She couldn't quite place it.

Jolene chuckled a bit as she noticed the face that Sarah had made. "It's the smell. It gets all the newcomers right off." She patted the younger girl on the shoulder. "You'll get used to it."

She wasn't so sure about that.

Sarah looked around as she followed Jolene. After coming in through the double glass doors, there was a large Nursing Station to the right. Behind it was all sorts of binders that Sarah assumed were charts. Two doors were directly behind the long desk. One door that was closed and another that was open to reveal a small kitchen. Complete with a fridge, microwave and coffee pot.

Which was good, Sarah hadn't had any coffee yet as she had been to excited and to nervous to get herself any.

Directly ahead of her, Sarah noticed a smaller hall, lined with doors. 'These would be their rooms, I think.' She thought as she followed the nurse.

To Sarah's left, there was an impossibly long hall. Much like the first. She couldn't get that good a look as the lights were dimmed. She asked Jolene about the darkness.

"They are dimmed mostly at night. You wouldn't like to sleep with bright lights, would you?" She asked smiling.

Sarah couldn't help but smile back. Jolene seemed like a nice enough woman. "No. I wouldn't." She looked around again. "So where am I going to be?"

"I'll take you over to Kahlen's unit. Unfortunately, it's at the opposite end of the building."

Silently, Sarah followed Jolene through the building's ground floor. She looked about her as the nurse pointed out several places, like the main dining room and the chapel which were near each other. As they rounded another darkened corner, the two entered what looked like a large lobby.

"That's where administration is housed. We don't usually go there much." The pointed to two other doors, the one on the left is the general store and the other is the ice cream shop." She stopped at bit at a couch that stood in the very center of the tiled floor. "Staff is more than welcome to shop at either. All monies go to the residents."

Nodding at Jolene, Sarah noticed a shining from above. Up above in the tall ceiling, Sarah saw a brilliantly clear skylight. She noticed that the stars were still out brightly and wondered how soon the sun would be coming up.

"Sure is pretty here."

"That it is. That it is. We are well funded by both private and government funds." She motioned for the younger girl to follow her some more.

Again, Jolene pointed out several places. Describing some of the amnenities this place had. Some of which Sarah couldn't fathom in a nursing home. So far it wasn't like any she had ever seen. This one had an in ground pool, a jacuzzi, a massage room and a small workout room. All of which the staff as well as the residents were allowed to enjoy.

It was beautifully decorated. Much like it would be in someone's home.

Jolene explained why. "We are basically a retirement community. Though this is the main building, with skilled as well as assisted living, we have various apartments and cottages throughout the grounds. This is their home. We try to give them everything they would have out there."

"It's so big. Don't you ever get lost?"

Jolene let out a muffled laugh. "Of course I did, my dear." She pointed down yet another long hallway. "Kahlen's unit is down there. She's in one of the assisted living wings."

0o0o0o

Sarah walked down the darkened hall toward the brightest part where she assumed she would find the GNA. It looked so different that the first hallway she had seen.

It was still darkened, but the floors were carpeted and the doors were wide and wooden. It still had that smell to it, but like Jolene had said, she would get used to it. Along the walls, next to the doors, we tiny name plates that Sarah had to assume were the names of the residents inside.

Ahead, she saw another person, as it was amazingly quiet and empty. 'It would have to be at this hour.' She thought. The woman stood watching her, drinking a hot cup of coffee. She knew it was hot because of the steam she could see rising from the tall mug.

Moving forward, she pushed aside the nervousness that she was feeling aside. Wishing she could have a cup of coffee of her own.

"Morning. I'm Kahlen." The tall woman said as she placed the coffee mug on the high counter of the nursing station. She looked very much like the nurse, Jolene. Her top was brighly colored with flowers and butterflies and she was wearing bright yellow slacks. On her feet were what looked like white running shoes.

But it wasn't her cloths that prompted Sarah to like her immediately. It was her face. It was soft and gentle. It didn't look threatening at all.

And she was smiling.

Kahlen Tuch wasn't what Sarah had pictured in her mind at all when it came to doing this kind of work. For one thing, she wasn't all that big. Unlike the nurse, Jolene. She wasn't short, but tall. And thin.

Kahlen didn't look like someone who could life and pull on all these old people without getting hurt.

She had incredible dark hair. Almost black. And it was pulled away from her face in a low ponytail.

"To keep it from getting pulled." She had explained when Sarah asked.

Kahlen gave Sarah a quick tour of her wing. "We have 10 beds here. Right now, I have three empty beds. They are all able to do things for themselves at varying degrees."

This wing, Sarah found out, was much like the big hall she had first seen. It had it's own small dining room, showering suite, and a smaller nursing station. An exact copy of the one she had seen earlier. Complete with the charts, kitchen and medication room.

Kahlen stopped at the nursing desk, moving behind it. "Hold on. I have to get you some clothes." She bent down and pulled out one of the deeper drawers. As she straightened up, she hand in her hands a pair of blue hospital scrubs.

Sarah looked down at what she was wearing. A pair of khaki pants, white tennis shoes and a conservative pullover shirt.

"What's wrong with what I am wearing?"

Kahlen smiled again, handing Sarah the clothes and taking her bag from her. "Because it will help differentiate you from a visitor."

"Excuse me?"

"They get used to seeing the workers in uniform. And if they see someone in street clothes, it gives them the idea that they can leave with said person."

Sarah's mouth made a small O. She didn't quite know what the other woman was talking about, but she was sure she was going to find out.

"Come on, I'll show you where you can change."

Kahlen led the way down a short hall. It seemed as though her unit was split in two. Almost like a V shape. With the nurse's desk at the tip.

As they walked down the hall, Kahlen turned on various hall lights, and at one point, she stopped by one room. Not entering, she only poked her head in and turned on the room's overhead light. Leaning back out of the room, the aide kept going.

"Who's in this room?" Sarah pointed to the heavy wooden door that was almost completely closed. Music could be heard coming from behind the door. It sounded classical.

Kahlen's eyes flicked to the name plate that was mounted at eye level, then away just as quickly. Her face had a hint of sadness to it that Sarah wasn't so sure she caught. "Arthur." But, she didn't stop, she kept going. "We'll go see him later."

Stopping in front of what looked like a bathing suite, Kahlen waited for Sarah to change into the scrubs.

Sarah hurried in her changing, she didn't want to case Kahlen to fall behind in her duties. From what she had heard from others, it was a busy job. It wasn't often that these girls got to sit down.

As she emerged from changing, Kahlen handed her a cup of coffee, which Sarah gratefully took.

"Thank you. This is wonderful."

"It's lifeblood. And there is always a pot brewing in the kitchen." She took a pull from her own mug. "Are you ready?"

Sarah straightened. "No. But lead on." She pointed with her cup.

Kahlen let out a laugh. It sounded like a happy one. And Sarah wondered if this woman liked her job as much as she seemed to.

"Don't worry. It will be a day that you won't soon forget. I've got quite a few characters."

* * *

A/N: So there you have it. A beginning to a different kind of story. I will take any suggestions you have on what our men do. How you think they would be. How you think they would act. This is meant to be a lighter piece. One to have fun and be creative with. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own anyone involved with King Arthur or any of the legends or myths. I don't own any of the characters. Only the ones from my own warped mind. I am merely playing with our heros for a while and will put them back, if only slightly used. I am writing this for my own amusement and that of others. I am making no money. **

**And for any of you HIPPA fiends out there, these are purely fictional events. I am in no way divulging personal information about anybody. They may be based on my past experiences, but no real names have been mentioned.**

* * *

Misadventures in Geriatrics - Chapter 2

Sarah watched as Kahlen rotated her shoulders as she walked down the hall again, stopping at the door to the room she had previously turned the light on. Satisfied with what she saw, she again moved down the hall.

Every few doors would have her stopping, knocking, and turning on lights before moving on. Her movements fluid and proficient. She didn't have to stop and think about what she was doing, she just did it.

'Like someone who does this same thing every day.' Sarah thought.

"Are you ready for this?" Kahlen smiled at her, taking a drink of her coffee.

"Not really."

Kahlen nodded. "Don't be nervous. I'm not going to let any of them hurt you. Though this bunch won't do much but try to marry you."

"Marry me?" Short cough. Maybe the stories of dirty old men were true.

"Don't worry. Now. Normally I only do four, twelve hour shifts. But, because you are here, I'm going to be on for the next twenty four."

"Won't you be tired?"

"Of course. But, it's not that bad. You'll see." When the woman smiled, Sarah could see that it was genuine. Not faked to help her feel at ease.

0o0o0o

"Can I ask what you are doing now?"

Kahlen had opened a drawer to a cart, pulling out what looked like a tray.

"Sure. We've got nearly two hours before breakfast. So some of them need to take their meds before that." She was saying as she popped several pilled into a transparent plastic cup.

"Oh."

Kahlen closed the drawer moved out of the small room, flicking off the light as she did. Sarah followed her as she walked into the kitchen, pulling out an apple and some orange juice from the fridge. Placing the apple on the counter, she poured another plastic cup halfway of the juice, replacing the carton in the fridge and picking up the apple once more.

"What's that for?"

Again, the aide let out a small chuckle. "You'll see." She gestured to a chair behind the tall desk. "Have a seat and I'll explain a few things that we need to do this morning."

Both women sat in the swivel chairs and Sarah's eyes widened as Kahlen pulled out what looked like the fattest binder she had ever seen in her life. It was a dark grey in color and looked worn. Like it had been opened so many times before.

"What's that?"

"This." Kahlen opened the binder to a section close to the front of the binder. "This is all about my residents and what they need throughout the day." She put her finger on the page in front of her. "This is our daily routine. Or what our plan is for the day." She chuckled a bit. "Things don't always run according to plan. You just learn to go with the flow."

Pushing the binder aside to Sarah, Kahlen then took hold of a notebook. One with what looked like a list of names and then below, descriptions of something underneath.

Kahlen noticed the curious look. "This is my report book. Or turnover book as some call it. Several of my men have things we need to look for during my shift. I do some of it and the nurse does others. As this is an assisted unit, we don't need a nurse to be on hand at all times."

0o0o0o

Kahlen was describing other books that needed attending to throughout the day when a cough was heard above their bent heads.

Tristan pointed to the apple that was just out of his reach.

Kahlen cocked an eyebrow, holding up the cup of medications in one hand and the cup of orange juice in the other. "First."

Sarah had to smile as the man scowled at Kahlen, but took the med cup from her and drank the juice. He handed her the cup and pointed again to the apple.

"Thank you, Tristan." There was obvious laughter in her voice as she handed him the apple.

Tristan took a bite, some juice running down his chin. "You're mean." He said as he wiped his chin with a handkerchief. His voice was gravelly with that first thing in the morning sound.

"That's why you love me." Kahlen gave a cocky smile at him. Tristan turned away, raising his hand as he limped back down the hall. "Someone has to look after you." She called to his retreating back.

"He's not very friendly, is he?"

"Tristan?" Kahlen shook her head. "He's a pussycat."

"Why's he here?" Not believing that frightening looking man could be nice at all.

Reaching forward, Kahlen pulled what looked like a cardex from behind the white phone system. As Sarah looked, it had rows and rows of numbers. With small read dots next to each number. Reading the words underneath, she knew it was this unit's call bell system. A way for the staff to know which room and which patient needed some kind of assistance.

Kahlen flipped through several of the pages. Stopping when she came to a card of information. She pushed it to Sarah who looked at it. It was filled with Tristan's information. His room number #126 (the one she had stopped and turned the light on for), his doctor, what looked like height and weight, medication allergies and other stuff that Sarah didn't understand quite yet.

"That's our cardex. Just limited information is kept there. All other stuff is kept in the charts behind me." She pulled out a piece of paper that looked like a blank form. "Tristan isn't a mean one. Really. He just doesn't like new people." Kahlen scratched her temple. "Or some older ones at that either. He really doesn't need to be here."

"Why not?"

"He's able to function independently. He came here with a broken hip from a car wreck. He's fine. They've all offered him a cottage out in the community or an apartment, but he doesn't want to leave this unit."

0o0o0o

"Don't you want to be a nurse? It looks like you run this place anyway."

Kahlen smiled. "That's what my pop says. I get the lecture every day on that. I've been here a long time. That's why it seems like I do everything. I don't want to be a nurse because I don't want that hassle of all that paperwork. It gets to be murder."

"Your pop?"

"My grandfather. You'll meet him later. He's on this floor."

The two women were again walking down the now, fully lit corridor. Kahlen stopping and knocking on doors again. Some of the rooms she had stopped at before. "I'm up." Was heard from one of the rooms.

She had stopped by a large linen cart and pulled out a couple of towels and a couple of washcloths. Putting a roll of plastic bags into one of the pockets of her pants, she started down the hall.

"Come on. We've got to get Bors up." Her face twitched. "He's entertaining."

"I thought that this was a unit where they can take care of themselves?"

"For the most part it is, but some need more help than others."

Kahlen knocked on the door to the room, flipping on the light as she opened the door. Sarah right behind her only a little more hesitant.

"Bors?" Kahlen called putting her linens in the bathroom and turning on all the lights in the bedroom.

"Go 'way." Came a groan from somewhere around the corner.

"Sorry bub. Time to get up. And you know how your wife won't like it if you stay sleeping all day."

0o0o0o

Sarah stood against the far wall, not knowing what to expect. Which for her was okay. She wasn't here to participate, just to observe. She took this time to look at the man being helped up.

He was large. Not necessarily fat, but he looked as though he had been an active man gone soft. He had no hair. The fuzzies from a close haircut cut could be seen, so Sarah assumed that he was bald by choice. The man didn't look like he was ready to be gotten out of bed, his eyes were kept closed, but a twitch of a smile was in the corners.

"Come on, sit up." Kahlen let out a soft grunt as she pulled the big man up. As she helped him up, he moved his hand to very close to her privates.

But Kahlen was quicker than his hand. "Aht. Not today." She moved to just out of his reach, but still close enough to be at hand should the bigger man get unsteady.

He looked up at her with puppy dog eyes. "Why not?"

Kahlen smiled at him, her hand running over his head. Over the stubble that was his hair. "Broken down." She helped the man on with a striped robe, giving his back a good scratch as she did.

Bors had his back hunched over, enjoying the treatment he was getting. "What about her? She looks nice and young."

"To young for you." Kahlen bent over, pulling on what looked like tight white stockings and a pair of walking sneakers. Bors stuck each leg out in turn, his hand resting on Kahlen's back for steadiness. "You leave her be. Don't want to be scaring her off."

He gave Sarah a toothless grin. "I'll do more than scare her off."

Shanking her head, Kahlen stood up, this time missing the reach that was made for her backside. Placing a walker in front of Bors, she helped him stand up, making sure she kept one hand on the walker and another on the man's back as he walked to what was the room's bathroom.

Sarah, not sure what to do, stood standing as the wall.

Kahlen started making the bed, pulling the blind up as she finished. "Don't worry about him. He's just a perve. He's actually harmless."

Sarah watched as the woman moved to the bedrooms bureau, pulling out a white t-shirt and a pair of underpants, placing them in the bathroom and starting the sink. She was amazed how quickly and seemingly without thought she moved. It looked like a pattern.

"Does he do that every day to you?"

"Every day." Opening the closet door, Kahlen cursed, pulling back quickly. "Good lord." She stood up and moved to the bathroom door and inside, shutting off the water.

Sarah wasn't sure she wanted to look at what was in the closet, but her curiosity got the better of her. Peering in through the open door, she also moved back quickly, her hand coming to cover her mouth and nose.

She resumed her spot over by the wall, only this time in view of the bathroom. Not enough to invade the older man's privacy, but close enough that she could see what Kahlen was doing. This was a situation she has read about in her textbooks but had never seen.

The woman was crouched in front of the man, her hands holding his. "What happened, Bors?"

"I'm sorry Kay." Sarah could tell that he was embarrassed. "I tole that nurse not to give me that juice. And even Tris tole her too."

"It's okay. I'll take care of it."

"I'm sorry."

Kahlen stood up, giving Bors a washcloth. "I won't tell if you won't tell."

Sarah watched as the man gave Kahlen another toothless grin, his face happier at the though of his secret being kept secret.

0o0o0o

Kahlen had gotten Bors washed and dressed, cleaned up the mess in the closet and had the man sitting in the unit's small dining room. She handed him a newspaper and a cup of coffee.

"Be good while I get the others."

Sarah looked around the small dining room. It held six tables four round and two square. One of the square tables was set up underneath a large windows, the heavy drapes still closed. On the table was a partly played chess game. Several discarded pieces lay to either side.

Kahlen moved to a wall cupboard, pulling out a t.v. remote and what looked like placemats. Handing the remote to Bors, she then put the placemats around the table. A total of four at his table and five more places at a nearby round table.

More coffee cups were placed at several of the placemats and one cup that looked like a sippy cup. With handles on both sides.

Sarah moved around, helping where she could. When she was out of earshot of Bors she asked the aide a question. "I heard you mention wife to Bors earlier. Is she still living?"

"Of course. She's in the main part of the facility. In the skilled unit." She moved closer to Sarah's ears, her eyes on the bald man. "She has Alzheimer's."

* * *

A/N: I hope that this long wait was worth it for all of you who read this story. It's been done for a while, but with things going on at work that haven't been to pleasant, I've held off. Thank you so very much to those of you who read this. And a double thank you goes out to those who review. You all prompt me to go on.


End file.
